Seas

N change either , all I see is despair , I haven't had one good day here. Yup I feel sorry for myself , and yes that's pathetic and childish but yer know what , I couldn't care less , I am so angry the whole time , I wake up angry I get angrier all day then I got to bed angry. I want to get violent , smack some life into the locas , the builders espescially. Overcharging incomers , not returning phone calls , never replying to calls. Not wanting to work on old houses because it's too much hard work , ah , shame. Only wanting to build nice new timber frame kit bungalows, pathetic.

I get violent when I'm fucked up , so said the clash . I feel the other way around unless I get fucked up I will get violent. Island life is shitHow dod I get in this mess , , the crownong achievement of 40 years of adult stupidity, a misguided belief I should care for a parent , driven by unfounded guilt , I had no responsability yet I took it , and here I am on an island I don't like , in a house I don't like. I feel a complete outsider all the time here , nervous and paranoid in my garden , overlooked by the whole village. What can I do the parent only seeks selfish ends , and I do not have the nerve to leave them. I am stuck cornered,trapped. How can I walk away?
And why do the people here not care for their island anymore , why is there so much litter,abandoned cars , fishery rubbish everywhere, and farming debris , old trailers , old shit, why do they build such ugly houses , and let the pretty old ones fall to bits where they stand? Qhy are their teenage kids vandals? Noisy,rude and disrespectful.

I get so bored of being tired , tired tired all the time , why ? I'm told because I have an illness , a virus that is eating my Liver and who knows what else. At least I can't find a consensus of opinion on the matter , some say it will affect the brain some deny this , some say it will affect muscle tissue , bones , mood and so on. All I can say is I feel knackered very often intersprsed with pains in my legs that make me want to cut them off. I won't die though , or give in to the little bastards , a virus ? any idea how small that is ? What annoys me is that catching it was nooooo fun either , the daily nightmare of adiction , withdrawal , fix , now a thing of my past but not forgotten lightly. Then there was the booze , hammering my Liver for years and years , whilst the poor old organ wasunder attach by the viral spawn of satan , still what I've forgotten is to be grateful for , at least I can only remember some of the gut churning times , the constant fear the neverending cravings , the standing outside asda at 8 O'clock waiting always waiting.

Is it ? I mean I've been here two months , the temperature has been below zero most of the time , otherwise raining. But there's some real great differences , I know this is a cliche but the food is great , not the fancy resteraunt cheffy snob wouldn't feed a mouse stuff . The everyday things , the vegetables from the market , they taste better , like they used to in England, the cheese does too , though I miss cheddar, it's all just better somehow. The people are well mannered, polite and friendly . The service is second to none , there is much much less traffic , oh and the food is cheaper , we did just a weekly shop today for 60 quid, for two people. I'm gonna have a better look around though , I think below the surface life here may be a bit two sided.

I stand and stare at empty air
he's just not there he doesn't care
vacuos intention a void invention
i look at nothing at no one's care
what emptiness what loss outer space of time
wasted journey wasted life wasted energy
a vacuos intent narcistic love
in service begging craving name
your country not ours nor feet on same ground
paltry puppet of mighty greeds serving vacant premiers needs
people strangers humans none your countrymen gone
i could go on and on and on like you
but i said my bit to me your gas

mr tony blair?

I'm in france it's freezing , minus 6 and not me pleasing . Snow is falling all around cannot see the erfing ground.Scotland is warmer now say the Met , has the winter happened yet.